The Post where I attempt to explain ME

otherwise known as the post where most of the people who read this will truly think I am crazy.  I’m about to talk to you about  my grounding places.

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A couple of days ago, I had a little talk with God.  “I’m tired of being so strange. This is crap. Seriously. I think you made some major mistakes when you created me or something. I’m trying to appreciate my gifts but they don’t feel like gifts today!” Yeah, sometimes I don’t hold back.  Hopefully , God doesn’t mind. Then God helped me see something that I hadn’t seen in quite that way before.

I have talked extensively abut being sensitive. About struggling with Anxiety and PTSD. How draining social interaction can be for me. But I have struggled to explain it in a way that anyone can really understand.  But I will try again once more.  My husband had a migraine type headache a few days ago and swore that it made him hear colors.  This made sense to me. Because , in a way , I was born hearing emotions. Energies?  I don’t see people’s aura or anything like that. But for me, some people are yelling all the time, whether they say anything or not. Their intensity screams at me from across rooms. The world is a horrendously noisy place for me. It takes all of my energy to stay present and not try to escape into my head or my phone or just walk away and find a quiet spot.  I often feel exhausted after just a few minutes in groups of people.

I have also almost always had grounding places.  People or animals or places that mute the noise.   And for a few blessed minutes, I have a  little bit of quiet to rest my  mind in. There’s no real rhyme or reason to that either, that I can figure out. It’s  not all animals. Just a few. Once in a while, I find it  in a person. Gender and age don’t seem to matter here.  And certain places. Usually in nature.  If I am able to just be in a grounding place once in a while, my mind feels a little less overwhelmed.

If I am going through a particularly difficult time, it can be hard for me to stay away from my grounding places, which is a huge problem if it’s a person.  Nobody wants to be stuck with me following them around all the time. Hell, *I* get tired of me.  Plus it gives an entirely wrong impression to others. This has caused awkward problems for me.  Frankly, even Cats, are like, okay, you can leave me alone now. Ha. For those of you, who are wondering, no. I am not crazy. I’ve been tested.  But yes, I am strange. The same gift that helps me to be deeply compassionate and empathetic often leaves me too drained to take action on those emotions. It’s deeply frustrating to me to be this way. But the more I fight it the worse it gets. So there you have it. A glimpse into my strange soul. For those who choose to love me in spite of it, I thank you from the bottom of my overly sensitive, deeply emotional, heart.

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