Dreams vs. ugly reality……

I woke up this morning from yet another night of restless sleep.  The images from my dreams swirling around like  a dancing fog over my morning. I have always had vivid dreams. Sometimes I consider it a gift but on nights like last night, it was much more like a curse. I was back in my childhood and once again I was trying to save the life of my family. I have been having various versions of this dream for as long as I can remember.  You see, I grew up in a home where there was domestic violence and abuse.  I was the oldest child of three .The daughter from my Mother’s previous marriage. I would learn very early on in my parents marriage to fear a certain look in my stepdad’s eyes. I lived most of mychildhood with a rock in the pit of my stomach wondering when the next blow up would be and would we live through it. Yes, I spent my entire childhood afraid for my Mom’s life. Afraid that I would come home from school and she would be dead and somehow that would be MY fault because I wasn’t there to stop it. Yeah, I know, heavy stuff, right?

I do not rehash this scenario to try to crucify my step-father. He faced his own demons and has apologized to me for the pain he caused. I do share it because I know that our family was not alone in the horrible dark place that we existed in. I know that right now there are thousands of women and children who are living what I lived and probably worse. I am begging you from the depths of my very being, find a way to escape. Get help. There are shelters all over the country that will help you.  Make a plan and get yourself and your children to safety. I know that it’s not easy. Probably the hardest thing you will EVER do. But noone deserves to be hit, called names, belittled!! It must surely break the very heart of God to see you going through such things.  You may feel completely alone but God WILL help you. The person abusing you need help too. And they will more than likely never get it while you remain in the home.

I only pray to keep another child from the nightmare that I lived and sometimes still live in my dreams.

Oh and if you know someone that you suspect is being abused in the very home that is supposed to be a safe haven, Do not turn and look the other way. Please.  Offer your prayers, love, and support to get them to safety. You may just save a life.

I wrote this poem some years back. Related to my journey to trust in a loving Father God.

  Found

           Little girl scared, she runs to hide
           She tries to keep the pain inside
           Noone sees her noone’s tried
           The devil laughs

         Years fly past, little girl no more
           She locks the gate to her hearts door
          What had God even made her for
           And God cries

          Hiding becomes a way of life
          Filled with sorrow, pain, and strife
          She tries but fails, to be a wife
          Her heart weeps

         Long around her heart a lock
         Until one night a gentle knock
         Her creator wants to talk
         And she listens

 His love comes in so pure and sweet
         She sits and listens at his feet
         She finally feels complete
         God smiles

         Chains that bound her fall away
          His mercies new to her each day
          Hiding she will no longer stay
          She’s found  
                       Brandy Roy 4-2-05

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